My grandma, Bunny Ruth Rhodes, died yesterday February 18th. Benny and I spent the last week with her, along with my aunts, uncles, cousins, and my cousin’s children (Bunny’s great grandkids!). It was a hard week but also amazing, and I feel so lucky to be surrounded by so much love. We held her hands and sang to her, and sat and breathed with her. We watched her struggle for breath over and over again for days, and we never knew if the pause between each of her breaths would be the last. I kept thinking of Etty Hillesum’s words: “Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” Each rest was so peaceful, and they got longer and longer, until there was no more breath, only rest.
Even though my family can be totally mishegas, there is a lot of love. That is for sure. And having Benny share this experience with me was incredible, and I think connects him to my family even more.
Bunny was the matriarch of our family, and the last person of her generation in both sides of my family to die. It feels like mourning her is not just about her, but bigger for me…about generations passing, cycling into the next. She was the last keeper of memories from the past generations of our family, and now all we have are the stories we can remember that she shared with us.
I will miss her deeply, and I will always remember the way she looked at me the last time, with so much love and joy and she just said my name over and over.
